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You’re down on your luck with a special lady. She just won’t pay attention to you. You don’t get it - you’ve combed your hair, you’ve bought all the Axe body spray you can find, and you’re right in front of her but she just doesn’t notice. You decide your only option for her attention is to tempt her with an irresistible tactic: you get a puppy.

Name your puppy: Blackhat

Black Hat SEO techniques are considered unethical in nature and violate Google’s quality guidelines. In films, a character wearing a black hat typically signifies a villain! In real life it probably just signifies you have a large head and you’re trying to make it look smaller.

Your beloved elderly dog passes away, so you try and fill the void with a puppy. You might long for him to be your old dog reincarnated, but he just isn’t him. They look the same. They bark about the same things. You redirect the love you had for your lost pal onto your new best friend.

Name your puppy: 301

A 301 redirect is a server status code that means “permanently moved”. In less technical terms, it is a permanent redirect from one URL to another. Pretty much like when you move to a new place because your neighborhood was overtaken by zombies: you instruct the post office to forward your mail to your new address.

You’re a kid. You’re walking home from school and find the most adorable puppy in the universe. Once the thrill wears off you remember how unfortunate you are to have parents who refuse to let you have a puppy. How dare they! You then determine you’re quite capable of hiding your new friend in your closet forever and your parents will never know.

Name your puppy: noindex

The noindex meta tag tells web spiders, “Please do not index my page. Thank you. But really, please do not index my page! I don’t want anybody to know what’s going on here!”

You go to choose a puppy from a shelter because you’re a fantastic human being. There are two left. Sisters. You pick one and take her home. When you tell your partner about the sister he/she demands you go get her, too. They look exactly the same. You have trouble telling them apart. You can’t help but play favorites though. After all, you really only wanted one.

Name your first puppy: Canonical

The “rel=canonical” tag is used when you want to tell a search engine, “Oh, hey! I like your beard. Also, I know I have all these pages with different URL’s whose content is pretty much the same. Yeah, my bad. But I’d like you to know that this page, the canonical page, is the real deal. Please give it all the credit.”

This post was inspired by Panda, a puppy lovingly SEO-named by her owner and RNL content writer, Sara Heins.